The movie begins with young versions of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Josh Gad, and Peter Dinklage competing in a video game competition in the 1980s. I know the characters have names, but I don't care! They play the exact characters that they always play, so I'm just going to refer to them as their real names. Anyway, the winner of the competition will be crowned video game champion of the world AND gameplay footage from the competition will be launched into space in a time capsule. 30 years later, all these guys are still losers. Adam Sandler is in a dead-end job, Kevin James is the president of the USA, (I guess anyone's better than Trump.), Josh Gad is a horny pervert, and Peter Dinklage is in jail. However, when aliens from outer space find the time capsule and take it to be a declaration of war, they attack the earth as video game characters from the '80s! The army has no idea how to defeat these aliens, but the 4 losers do! It's just like an old video game, and no one's better at old games than these guys! I guess in this universe Billy Mitchell doesn't exist. Can the nerds defeat the alien invasion? Go see Pixels to find out! Actually, on second thought, DON'T go see Pixels! You'll find out why soon.
This movie is really bad! It's not well written, with a million things that were never explained or don't make any sense, not well acted, the score is completely forgettable (Which is a shame! The score had so much potential, being a movie about video games! There could've been some really cool 8-bit jams, like the Angry Video Game Nerd Movie, Wreck-It Ralph, or Scott Pilgrim VS The World scores, but there are none!), but the special effects look fake, cheesy, and gimmicky, and worst of all, it's BORING!!!!!!!! This movie is NOT FUNNY!!!! It's not even so bad it's good or entertaining, it's so bad it's bad! Now, the first 10 or so minutes if the movie I thought were actually kind of okay, but that quickly goes out the window. This is actually my first real Adam Sandler movie, and after this I don't want to watch any more! It's just a typical boring comedy that just happens to have video game aliens in it. And speaking if video game aliens, isn't this plot almost exactly the same as this one Futurama episode, where the video game characters from the planet Nintenduu 64 invade earth? Anyway, I don't know what I was complaining about when I said Frozen had some unanswered questions. Those unanswered questions are nothing compared to the unanswered questions that this movie has! There are MANY!!! Like, "What is stopping them from using the light cannons to kill Pac Man? Why do they have to play by the rules when the aliens don't even follow them, and they end up breaking the rules anyway later on and the aliens don't have any problem with it?" or "How did Peter Dinklage cheat to win the video game competion in the '80s, and how did he enter a cheat in real life to win at Pac Man and in his car of all places?" or "How is Kevin James the president of the United States when he can't even read (Say what you will about Donald Trump, but at least he's literate!)?" or "Why is Josh Gad's video game ninja lady girlfriend a real person when all the other video game characters are pixelated, and how did Q*Bert turn into her at the end of the movie?" or "HOW DOES ADAM SANDLER STILL HAVE A FILM CAREER????????" etc. Those are just A FEW of the unanswered questions, there are many more. Now, what I'm really confused about is who this movie is made for. There are many '80s references in this movie that kids won't get, so many will assume that this movie is for adults who grew up in the '80s. HOWEVER this movie is so bad and stupid that a fully mentally functional adult couldn't possibly enjoy this movie! It's not for kids, they won't get any of the references and this movie is not appropriate for kids! It's weirdly inappropriate and sexual in places where it really shouldn't even be! If it's not for adults, and it's not for kids, who is this movie for? No one, that's who. The only good thing I can really say about this movie is that the end credits are pretty cool, and the credits mean the movie's finally over (And you get to listen to a pretty cool DMX song.)! Overall, this movie is NOT worth your time, it's pretty bad! It's not even entertaining as a popcorn flick, like Ninja Turtles was. The action is as boring as the rest of the movie! Chris Columbus is a great director, but he is not an action director, and it's obvious that Adam Sandler took over so much that this can barely be considered Chris' movie. Now, is this movie the worst? No. It's not even the worst Adam Sandler movie, but you should still avoid this movie if you can. Instead, just re-watch Wreck-It Ralph. Yeah, I know there aren't as many video game characters of references in Wreck-It Ralph than in Pixels, but do you know what OTHER movie had a lot of recognizable characters and references in it? Foodfight! The worst animated movie ever made! Just stay away from this movie and don't give Mr Sandler your money, so we won't get any more movies like this in the future! Oh, wait, Ghostbusters 2016 is a thing. Crap, that's going to suck hard. Oh, wait, I can't say that. That makes me a sexist, apparently, somehow. Whatever, screw this movie! It gets a 1.5 stars out of 5 rating! Game over!
Have you seen Pixels? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!
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