Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Aidan The Aspie Critic: Pixels

Hello and welcome to another movie review! Today I will be reviewing one of last year's worst reviewed films, Pixels. Is it as bad as everyone says it is? It's a Happy Madison movie. What do you think? Let's just get this over with.
The movie begins with young versions of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Josh Gad, and Peter Dinklage competing in a video game competition in the 1980s. I know the characters have names, but I don't care! They play the exact characters that they always play, so I'm just going to refer to them as their real names. Anyway, the winner of the competition will be crowned video game champion of the world AND gameplay footage from the competition will be launched into space in a time capsule. 30 years later, all these guys are still losers. Adam Sandler is in a dead-end job, Kevin James is the president of the USA, (I guess anyone's better than Trump.), Josh Gad is a horny pervert, and Peter Dinklage is in jail. However, when aliens from outer space find the time capsule and take it to be a declaration of war, they attack the earth as video game characters from the '80s! The army has no idea how to defeat these aliens, but the 4 losers do! It's just like an old video game, and no one's better at old games than these guys! I guess in this universe Billy Mitchell doesn't exist. Can the nerds defeat the alien invasion? Go see Pixels to find out! Actually, on second thought, DON'T go see Pixels! You'll find out why soon.
This movie is really bad! It's not well written, with a million things that were never explained or don't make any sense, not well acted, the score is completely forgettable (Which is a shame! The score had so much potential, being a movie about video games! There could've been some really cool 8-bit jams, like the Angry Video Game Nerd Movie, Wreck-It Ralph, or Scott Pilgrim VS The World scores, but there are none!), but the special effects look fake, cheesy, and gimmicky, and worst of all, it's BORING!!!!!!!! This movie is NOT FUNNY!!!! It's not even so bad it's good or entertaining, it's so bad it's bad! Now, the first 10 or so minutes if the movie I thought were actually kind of okay, but that quickly goes out the window. This is actually my first real Adam Sandler movie, and after this I don't want to watch any more! It's just a typical boring comedy that just happens to have video game aliens in it. And speaking if video game aliens, isn't this plot almost exactly the same as this one Futurama episode, where the video game characters from the planet Nintenduu 64 invade earth? Anyway, I don't know what I was complaining about when I said Frozen had some unanswered questions. Those unanswered questions are nothing compared to the unanswered questions that this movie has! There are MANY!!! Like, "What is stopping them from using the light cannons to kill Pac Man? Why do they have to play by the rules when the aliens don't even follow them, and they end up breaking the rules anyway later on and the aliens don't have any problem with it?" or "How did Peter Dinklage cheat to win the video game competion in the '80s, and how did he enter a cheat in real life to win at Pac Man and in his car of all places?" or "How is Kevin James the president of the United States when he can't even read (Say what you will about Donald Trump, but at least he's literate!)?" or "Why is Josh Gad's video game ninja lady girlfriend a real person when all the other video game characters are pixelated, and how did Q*Bert turn into her at the end of the movie?" or "HOW DOES ADAM SANDLER STILL HAVE A FILM CAREER????????" etc. Those are just A FEW of the unanswered questions, there are many more. Now, what I'm really confused about is who this movie is made for. There are many '80s references in this movie that kids won't get, so many will assume that this movie is for adults who grew up in the '80s. HOWEVER this movie is so bad and stupid that a fully mentally functional adult couldn't possibly enjoy this movie! It's not for kids, they won't get any of the references and this movie is not appropriate for kids! It's weirdly inappropriate and sexual in places where it really shouldn't even be! If it's not for adults, and it's not for kids, who is this movie for? No one, that's who. The only good thing I can really say about this movie is that the end credits are pretty cool, and the credits mean the movie's finally over (And you get to listen to a pretty cool DMX song.)! Overall, this movie is NOT worth your time, it's pretty bad! It's not even entertaining as a popcorn flick, like Ninja Turtles was. The action is as boring as the rest of the movie! Chris Columbus is a great director, but he is not an action director, and it's obvious that Adam Sandler took over so much that this can barely be considered Chris' movie. Now, is this movie the worst? No. It's not even the worst Adam Sandler movie, but you should still avoid this movie if you can. Instead, just re-watch Wreck-It Ralph. Yeah, I know there aren't as many video game characters of references in Wreck-It Ralph than in Pixels, but do you know what OTHER movie had a lot of recognizable characters and references in it? Foodfight! The worst animated movie ever made! Just stay away from this movie and don't give Mr Sandler your money, so we won't get any more movies like this in the future! Oh, wait, Ghostbusters 2016 is a thing. Crap, that's going to suck hard. Oh, wait, I can't say that. That makes me a sexist, apparently, somehow. Whatever, screw this movie! It gets a 1.5 stars out of 5 rating! Game over!
Have you seen Pixels? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Aidan The Aspie Critic: The Star Wars Holiday Special

Hello and welcome to this LOST adventure from a galaxy far far away! This is the Star Wars Holiday Special!
The Star Wars Holiday special is perhaps one of the most bizarre parts of Star Wars history. On November 19, 1978, the Star Wars Holiday Special aired once on CBS before disappearing from existence. George Lucas has personally said, and I quote, "If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it." It has only just recently been released due to bootleg copies on the Internet. Is it really as bad as people say? Let's find out. So, you may be wondering, what happens in this movie? Well, the easier answer is, WHAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN THIS MOVIE??????? The story is all over the place, almost to the point that there is no story! The basic premise of the movie is Han Solo and Chewbacca travelling to the Wookiee planet, Kazhyyyt, not Kashyyyk, to celebrate Life Day. However, that's pretty much the end of that. Most of the movie is spent with Chewbacca's family; his wife Malla, his father Itchy, and his son Lumpy. And from there it's cross-dressing cooking shows, circus acts, singing VR Diahann Carroll ladies, shopkeeping starring Art Carney, Bea Arthur cantina songs, cartoons starring Boba Fett, Harvey Korman robot instructional videos, Jefferson Starship music videos, and MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This story can barely even considered a story, it's barely there and all the little detours don't connect to anything! The Phantom Manace had a better story than this!!!!!! The performances are cheesy and worthless. Most of the time is spent with the Wookiees and Art Carney, even though the entire original Star Wars cast is in it, except for Alec Guinness. The special effects are awful as well. It's mostly just recycled stock footage, props, and costumes from A New Hope. The music also sucks. This I can definitely say with out a doubt that this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I'm serious, this is up there with The Lorax and The Hobbit: Battle Of Five Armies! I'm not kidding, this movie is so bad, it needs to be seen to be believed. It's hilarious! Watch it on YouTube! I'll put a link here: https://youtu.be/ZX0x-I06Fpc So, in conclusion, I give this movie 5 stars out of 5! This movie is amazing. Go watch it. Now.

Have you seen The Star Wars Holiday Special? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!

Aidan The Aspie Critic: Zootopia

Hello party animals! Welcome to another movie review! Put on your Fursona, because I'm reviewing Zootopia! Let's go!
Zootopia is Disney's first 2016 animated offering. The film takes place in an alternate universe where humans do not exist. Instead, animals evolved and developed civilization, and they eventually learned to live all together in peace. The predators don't even eat the prey anymore! However, that doesn't mean that there isn't still social inequality. The movie's main character is a young rabbit named Judy Hopps. She has moved from her family's small carrot farm out in the country to the big city of Zootopia to be a cop in the ZPD, the first ever rabbit to ever accomplish that feat. However, her coworkers and the public still don't really take her seriously, because she's a rabbit. However, when 14 predators across the city mysteriously go missing, Judy is on the case to find them! Along with a con artist fox named Nick Wilde, it's a crazy adventure with sloths, the mafia, and government conspiracy! Will Judy and Nick find the missing animals? Will Judy ever be taken seriously as a cop? Watch Zootopia to find out!
This in an amazing animated film! The animation is gorgeous with some fantastic character and production design! Every aspect of the city of Zootopia was thought out, accounting for animals that live in different habitats, size differences between different animals, and more! The story is very original and engaging, dealing with themes of prejudice and equality. The comedy was also hilarious! Now, there are still quite a few questions I have about the movie that were never addressed. For example, if the predators aren't eating the prey anymore, what ARE they eating? Another one I had was where are all the other animals? We see mammals in this movie, lots of them, but we never see any reptiles, amphibians, birds, insects, arachnids, or any marine creatures at all. Well, I take that back, they DO show flies buzzing around one character's head, and there are references to birds in the lyrics of the song Try Everything by Shakira, but are they intelligent? Do they have their own civilizations too? I don't know! It's never brought up. There are a lot less unanswered questions than in Frozen, but they are very major questions! Oh well. Maybe we'll get some answers in shorts on the DVD or possibly a sequel. However, that's the only negative thing I can say about this movie. This is very close to being a perfect film. It's a modern classic, just like Inside Out. If I could give a reccomendation, it would be kids can watch it, but it really is more of a film for adults. Much like Inside Out, the themes of this movie are really more for adults rather than kids. There are also pop culture references to things like The Godfather and Breaking Bad, and if you let your little kid watch those, frankly, you're a terrible parent. Either that, or you're the coolest parent ever. Anyway, this movie gets 4.9 stars out of 5! An incredible film as well as launching a thousand furries, definitely go see this movie!

Have you seen Zootopia? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments! 

Aidan The Aspie Critic: Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice

Welcome to the fight of the century! Day vs Night! God vs Man! Light vs Darkness! Son of Krypton vs Bat of Gotham! The red capes are coming! The red capes are coming! This is Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice!
Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice is the second instalment in the DC Cinematic Universe, the first instalment being 2013's Man Of Steel. The third instalment will be this summer's Suicide Squad. Taking place right after Man Of Steel, or rather, DURING the climax of Man Of Steel, Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy businessman, learns of Superman, faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Superman kills General Zod and saves Metropolis, or, rather, destroyed half the city in the process of saving the day. Is Superman really a good thing for the people of earth? Batman doesn't think so, and the 2 end up in a head-to-head battle to the death. Meanwhile, Lex Luthor Jr of Lexcorp, son of Lex Luthor Sr, has created a monster to destroy Superman once and for all, Doomsday. Who will win? Batman or Superman (or Wonder Woman)? Will Superman defeat Doomsday? Watch Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice to find out!
This movie......this movie.......this movie. I don't know what the heck I watched. I liked it, I guess, but this movie is not good! It's a complete mess! However, I'll start with the positives first. Ben Afleck is a great Batman! Definitely up there with Michael Keaton and Kevin Conroy as one of the great Batmen! Gal Gadot was also an awesome Wonder Woman! Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor I didn't like at first, but the character grew on me. He really gives it his all with his performance, even though he seems to be more of a Riddler type character rather than Lex Luthor. I also liked Amy Adams as Lois Lane. Jeremy Irons as Alfred was also very good. The special effects were also great, and this movie is beautifully shot. I could watch Bruce Wayne's parents getting murdered forever, as messed up as that sounds! However, that's pretty much all the good I can say about it. Henry Cavill as Superman is BORING and EMO! He's freaking Superman! Would it kill him to crack a smile now and then? The story makes no sense and is all over the place, and a bunch of things weren't explained well or at all! Doomsday is also portrayed really poorly. This is just as bad as what they did to Bane in Batman And Robin, Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, or The Mandarin in Iron Man 3! I, personally, don't know much about Doomsday as a character, but I KNOW he isn't anything like he is portrayed in this movie! His characterization and backstory I know is all wrong! Anyway, this is also a very boring movie. There's a lot of talking and not a whole lot of action. I'm sorry, but when I come to see a superhero movie, I actually want to see superhero action! There's barely any in this movie! I know The Dark Knight movies didn't have a TON of action in them either, but they had good story and characters to keep us invested. This movie doesn't. The musical score was, for the most part, a very generic modern Hans Zimmer score with nothing standing out, except for maybe Junkie XL's awesome theme music for Wonder Woman. It was really cool to see all these DC characters appearing or hinted at appearing sometime in the future, some examples are Aquaman, The Flash, Cyborg, The Joker, Red Hood, The Riddler, Solomon Grundy, Darkseid, and, of course, Wonder Woman! Most of these characters just appear as Easter eggs, but other characters such as Wonder Woman, Cyborg, The Flash, and Aquaman I didn't feel like they were necessary inclusions. They're kinda just there for the sake of being there and don't serve much purpose, aside from showing Lex Luthor's interest in superheroes. Well, that and Wonder Woman helps out during the climax. I think that they should've maybe mentioned or hinted at these characters, but not straight up shown them. Showing takes away a lot of the mystery and excitement for me, but most people seem to disagree with me, so maybe I'm missing something. Overall, this is not a good movie, but it has good elements in it. Do I reccomend seeing it? Only if you are really into superhero movies and don't want to miss a single one. If you are a casual moviegoer, skip this one and wait for Civil War, Suicide Squad, X-Men Apolcalypse, or Doctor Strange for your comic movie fix. Or go see Deadpool again. Heck, even the new Ninja Turtles is probably more entertaining than this. There are much better Batman and Superman movies out there to spend your time on as well. If you still want to see Batman and Superman fight, though, I'd reccomend the animated The Dark Knight Returns movie. It's a much more faithful adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns comic, which is what BvS is loosely based on. Much like BvS, Batman and Superman barely fight in it, but it's an overall better put together film. Overall, I give this movie a score of 2 out of 5 stars. There are good things here, but overall, this movie does not give DC or its fans justice. Pun intended.

Have you seen Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Aidan The Aspie Critic: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Hello and welcome to a classic story from a galaxy far far away! In honour of Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens coming out, I will be reviewing all 7 (Yes, there are 7.) theatrical, canonical Star Wars movies without any nostalgia goggles, eventually. Unfortunately, this will mean that I will have to review the Special Editions of the original trilogy, but I will try not to let all the stupid changes and bad CG change my opinion on the movie as a whole. I will also be reviewing the movies in order of theatrical release. So, without further ado, let's take a look at Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, or it's original title, just Star Wars, was a science fiction action film released in 1977 by George Lucas. It is regarded as one of the greatest, most iconic, and influential movies in the history of cinema. How does it hold up? I'll get to that later. Let's start out with the story, but let's face it, you all already know this story! It is a time of civil war in the galaxy! The galactic rebellion is rising up against the evil galactic empire. However, the rebels aren't doing so well. They have managed to capture the plans for an ultimate terror weapon, called the Death Star, a moon-sized battle station with the power to destroy an entire planet. However, nobody knows where these plans are, and rebel leader Princess Leia Organa was captured by Darth Vader, dark lord of the empire. 2 robots escape their spaceship being captured by the empire and land on the desert planet Tatooine, where they meet farm boy Luke Skywalker, smuggling dynamic duo Han Solo and Chewbacca, and wise old Jedi Knight Obi Wan Kenobi. Can the rebels save the princess and destroy the Death Star? I'd tell you to watch Star Wars to find out, but let's face it, you already have.
This movie is absolutely fantastic! However, it does have it's problems. The special effects hold up perfectly, for the most part. There are some lazily costumed creatures, some of the flying scenes aren't perfect, and the CG in the Special Edition, of course, is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The direction and acting can also be pretty weird. The dialogue isn't great, and neither are some of the performances. Alec Guiness, James Earl Jones, Anthony Daniels, and Harrison Ford are all great, but Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher.... not so much. Carrie has this weird fake slightly-British accent and Mark..... well, let's just say that I have no idea why people hate Hayden Christianson as Anakin so much when Mark Hamill wasn't much better as Luke. I don't necessarily blame the actors for this, it was just poor direction. There are also some parts of the story that don't make sense, but other than that, this is a nearly perfect movie! How could it be anything other than that? Yeah, it has problems, but if you don't like this movie, it kinda makes you a bad person. Not liking this movie is like not liking The Wizard Of Oz. The 2 movies are very similar, actually. Sure, they have some problems with the story, characters, and acting and special effects at times, but how can you not like something so simple, so innocent, and so iconic and influential and groundbreaking? So, yes. I love this movie, and everyone else does too! I give this movie a 5 out of 5 stars! Possibly the greatest movie ever made.

Have you seen Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments! 

Next up, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back! See you next time!

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Aidan The Aspie Critic: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Welcome back to a galaxy far far away after over 30 years! Is this just another Phantom Menace or has balance finally returned to The Force? Jump to lightspeed, Chewie! Let's find out!
Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the long-awaited sequel to the 1983 classic, Star Wars: Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi. Well, technically we've gotten several sequels to Return Of The Jedi in the form of video games, novels, and comics, but that's all non-canon now, so we can finally see what REALLY happened after the destruction of the Death Star II and the Ewok party on Endor! A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the galaxy is yet again in a time of war (What a shock.). Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi, has disappeared! The New Republic's military, the Resitance, has found a piece of a star map that may lead to Luke's location. General Leia Organa has sent her best pilot, Poe Dameron, to retrieve the star map piece, but he runs into the First Order (the remnant of the Galactic Empire) on the way and has to send the star map with his droid, BB8, into the war-torn desert wasteland of the planet Jakku. On the way, BB8 meets a scavenger named Rey, a reformed Stormtrooper named Finn, and an old smuggler with a mysterious past named Han Solo. However, little do our heroes know, the First Order, under the watchful eyes of Supreme Leader Snoke, has created an ultimate terror weapon, Starkiller Base, a planet-sized battle station with enough power to destroy several planets at once! Will the Resistance defeat The First Order? Will our heroes find Luke? And will they escape the evil wrath of Kylo Ren? Watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens to find out!
This movie is amazing! It's everything that fans like me have always wanted in a Star Wars movie! This is most DEFINITELY better than the prequel trilogy! No Jar Jar Binks, no Midi-Chlorians, no emotionless love banter, no CG (No, I'm serious. There is barely any CG in this movie!), and no disappointment....mostly. The reason I say mostly is because...well..do you remember my summary of the story? Does any of it sound familiar? It should, because this movie is almost a COMPLETE carbon(ite) copy of Episode IV: A New Hope! Have you seen A New Hope? Then you've seen this movie and you didn't even know it! You can predict how the story is going to go from beginning to end, which I thought was pretty disappointing, but this movie adds just enough new things and old nostalgic fan service to keep things interesting! I still enjoyed this movie from beginning to end! I'd much rather have something familiar than something new, but boring (I'm looking at you "taxation of the trade routes" and "I don't like sand.."!). The characters are all very likeable and memorable, and the performances from the actors were great! I think I have a crush on Daisy Ridley (She plays Rey. She's brilliant!)! John Boyega is really good as Finn, Oscar Isaac is great as Poe, Adam Driver I thought was fantastic as Kylo Ren, Andy Serkis is his great animated (literally) self as always as Supreme Leader Snoke, and, of course, returning cast members Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill steal the show as Han, Leia, and Luke, respectively! The special effects are wonderful in this movie! Like I said, the movie barely uses any CG. They only CG that I could see were the space scenes, the flying scenes, Supreme Leader Snoke, Maz Kanata (The little old lady who owns the cantina.), the Rathtars, and maybe a few other things that I missed. That's it. The rest is all done with physical sets, costumes, puppets, animatronics, and makeup. I loved seeing this. As impressive as the CG in the prequels, admittedly, is, it NEVER looked real. It always just looked like people standing in front of a green screen with animated stuff bouncing around them. This movie definitely looks real! There are also some great plot twists in the story and still lots of mystery and truly powerful and moving scenes. The musical score to this movie is great! It was composed by people like John Williams and Lin-Manuel Miranda, the guy who wrote the music for the new Broadway musical, Hamilton. I don't think any of these songs are Star Wars classics or anything, nothing can beat songs like The Imperial March or Duel Of The Fates, but the score stands on its own very well, bringing us new songs and old favourites. In conclusion, this is not a perfect movie. The story may be predictable and it may have other problems, but this movie is still a blast! I definitely recommend it! I even recommend it to people who aren't Star Wars fans or have never even seen Star Wars! This movie stands on its own very well! I'm impressed with what JJ Abrams and Disney have done with this series, and I can't wait to see what awaits us in Rogue One, Episode VIII, and beyond! I give this movie 4.3 stars out of 5! Truly there has been an awakening, and I have felt it. We all have. Balance has returned to The Force.

Have you seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!

Aidan the Aspie Critic: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

Welcome to another movie review! This movie takes us back to the very beginning of a classic sci-fi story! Sing it with me now! Oh my god, I was wrong! It was earth all along! This is Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes!

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is a prequel to the classic sci-fi film, Planet Of The Apes. This movie is also a retcon of the already existing Planet Of The Apes prequel, Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes. Since this movie retcons Conquest, most people consider this movie to be a reboot of the entire Planet Of The Apes series. It's definitely a better reboot than Tim Burton's 2001 Planet Of The Apes reboot! Let's just forget that movie ever existed. This movie is the story of a man and his monkey. Well, actually a Chimpanzee, but whatever. The man work at Gen Sys labs, a scientific research facility. Gen Sys has created a drug that patches up disconnected parts of the brain, or in other words, the cure to Alzheimer's. The new drug is being tested on apes and they have significantly grown in intelligence. However, when one of the chimps, Bright Eyes, breaks out of her cage and is then killed, the scientists wonder if there are side effects to the drug. However, it turns out Bright Eyes was only trying to protect her baby, Caesar. The man brings Caesar home and raises him like a son. He is extremely intelligent too, but he was never given the drug! The effects are genetic! The man is convinced that there are no side effects, so he smuggles some of the drug home to give to his father, who is suffering from Alzheimer's. However, the drug's effects on humans eventually ware off, and the man's father steals a car! Caesar comes to the rescue, and bites the finger of the man bullying the father about stealing his car, but Caesar gets taken away by the authorities! The monkey jail is horrible! Caesar and the other apes are bullied every day by the evil owners! Will Caesar and the other apes escape? And does the drug have any other harmful side effects on humans...? Watch Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes to find out!
This movie is awesome! It is intense, emotional, and very interesting! The characters are likeable, the story is engaging, and it can get pretty sad at times! I really liked all the little references and homages to the original Planet Of The Apes, further cementing this movie as a prequel. They are much more clever than in Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes reboot! I'm sorry, I promise this is going to be the last time I mention that hunk of monkey poo movie. The only thing I can say was not so great is the special effects at times. Much like Jurassic World, the monkeys can look pretty fake sometimes, but the rest of the time the effects are pretty impressive! Andy Serkis, the motion-capture special effects genius actor that brought us Gollum in The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit movies played Caeser in this movie, and you really do feel like the monkeys are actually there. Even if the effects don't LOOK convincing at times, they definitely do FEEL convincing, if that makes any sense. The performances are also very good, special shout out to the guy who plays the man's father! So, yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say. If you are a sci-fi nerd or a fan of the other Planet Of The Apes movies (except for the Tim Burton one! Oh, right. I wasn't supposed to mention it again. Sorry!) then you will like this movie! Even if you aren't a fan or a nerd you should still like this movie! Is give it 4 stars out of 5! You've finally made a monkey out of me!

Have you seen Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes? What did you think of it? Tell me in the comments! 

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes review coming soon!